This page was last updated on Tuesday, 03 June 2003 at 2055Z
For discounted prices on condoms and the best lube visit our Eros Shop - click here
The text of a booklet produced in February 1996 by the Health Education Authority. This booklet was made available by my local health authority (East Berkshire) at the 10th anniversary celebrations of the Greyhound Club, Colnbrook Bypass, near Slough
Choose safer sex |
Choosing safer sex |
Safer sex is an issue for all of us. Many gay men have been having safer sex for a long time now. Yet:
many people still have unsafe sex;
gay and bisexual men are still getting HIV;
in some parts of the country, certain studies show as many as 1 in 6 gay men already have the virus.
It's as important as it's ever been.
A lot of people don't know they've got HIV. They can look an feel healthy but still have the virus. There is also evidence that some gay men who get HIV these days are getting it because they have decided to give up condoms with their regular partner who they love and trust.
Understand safer sex.
Understanding safer sex is important:
whether you have HIV or not or your just don't know. Different strains of the virus may be harmful to partners who are both infected.
whether you're in a steady relationship or not.
What is safer sex?
HIV can be present in infected blood, semen and pre-ejaculate (pre cum) - the fluid that leaks out of your penis when you're aroused.
Safer sex means not letting any of these fluids get inside another person's body.
Many ways of having sex carry no risk of HIV - like kissing, masturbation and body rubbing.
It's anal and vaginal sex without a condom (rubber) that carry the highest risk. Always use a condom to cut down the chance of HIV being passed on.
Gay men have shown how you can make safer sex great sex too.
Safer sex has an added bonus. It helps protect you from other infections, such as gonorrhoea and hepatitis B (hep B). These infections can increase the risk of contracting HIV if you have unsafe sex.
Main risks - anal sex (Fucking, screwing)
The virus can pass through both the linings inside your anus and the tip of your penis. So anal sex without a condom is very risky for both the active (insertive) partner and the passive (receptive) partner.
Condoms provide a very effective barrier against HIV
Use a stronger make of condom.
Any kitemarked condom should do - it has been found that regular condoms are just as safe (Webmaster)
Use plenty of water-based lubricant (lube).
Remember: pre-ejaculate (pre cum) can pass on HIV. So pulling out before ejaculating without a condom is risky too.
Sex in relationships
Things can look very different when you're in a relationship. You and you partner might want to think again about your use of condoms.
But remember, you can still get HIV from a partner you love and trust. So there are many issues you need to discuss with your partner. For example, if you stop practising safer sex in your relationship, it can be very difficult to go back to it. Someone from one of the lines listed in the back of this leaflet may help you make a decision you both feel happy about.
Remember too that there are plenty of ways to introduce excitement into your sex life. You can still show love and commitment whilst practising safer sex.
Sex with women
Some gay men have sex with women. You don't have to call yourself 'straight' or 'bi' to have sex with women. Make sure you use a reliable condom for vaginal sex. Look out for the British Standard kite mark and/or the new European CE marking. Condoms can help protect against other infections as well as an unwanted pregnancy. But always use a stronger condom for anal sex with a woman, just as you would with a man. For more details on this see the section on anal sex.
Oral sex
Oral sex is much less risky than anal sex without a condom. As far as we know, the risk of passing on HIV to either partner through oral sex is low. However it is better to avoid getting semen in the mouth, particularly if you have any cuts and sores (e.g. ulcers and cold sores), as this may increase the risk of infection. We know for sure that you can get gonorrhoea and hepatitis B through oral sex. You may decide to use a condom, perhaps a flavoured one. If you go on to have anal sex, take this condom off and put on another, stronger type of condom (see the section on anal sex).
Wait till your penis gets hard.
If you have a foreskin which is easy to roll back you may find it easier to do this before putting on the condom.
Squeeze the tip of the condom to get rid of any air.
Roll the condom all the way down to the base of the penis.
Smooth out any air bubbles.
Spread water-based lubricant over the condom on your penis and on your partner's anus.
While you're having sex, check from time to time that the condom's still in one piece.
When you withdraw, hold the condom at the base to stop it slipping off.
Wrap the condom in a tissue and put it in the bin.
Condom tips
Always choose a stronger condom for anal sex - for example, Durex 'Ultra Strong' or Mates 'Super Strong'. Check for the British Standard kitemark and/or the new European CE marking. This means that they have been tested for reliability. Other imported stronger types of condom are available, such as HT Special, Gay Safe and Hot Rubber - these should carry the European CE marking also.
Keep condoms handy. Carry them with you even if you don't think you'll need them. Keep them anywhere you might have sex.
Look after your condoms. Heat can damage the rubber. Keep your condoms in a cool, dry place.
Condoms don't last forever. Check the expiry date on the outer packet. If in doubt or you don't have the outer packet, get e new one.
Some condoms have spermicide on them. If they make your penis or the inside of your anus feel sore then switch to another brand. Or try a 'hypoallergenic' condom.
Open the condom carefully. Don't use your teeth. Take care not to tear the rubber with your nails or any jewellery.
Use plenty of water-based lube, for example, KY, Clone Zone or Boots' own brand. Using lubricant cuts down the risk that the condom will tear.
Don't wear two condoms, as putting one over the other does not increase the safety. The condoms are likely to rub against each other and tear more easily.
Don't use lubricants with oil in them. Check the label of any lubricant you might use. Don't use baby oil, skin moisturisers, olive or other vegetable oil, massage oils, butter, margarine or Vaseline. These rot the rubber and can make it tear.
Use each condom only once
Many activities carry little or no risk of passing on HIV - as long as you don't let one person's blood, semen or pre cum get inside the other person's body. Cover any cuts or sores with a plaster. Remember that good personal hygiene can help cut down the risk from bacteria and other infections.
(Mutual) masturbation
Alone or with a partner, masturbation is safe. Keep semen away from open cuts and sores. Don't use your partner's semen as lubricant.
Body rubbing and massage
Body rubbing and massage is safe. If you go on to have anal sex after a massage, clean off any oil on your hands, genitals or anus before you use a condom. Massage oil can easily damage the rubber.
Tonguing your partner's anus (rimming)
There's little risk of giving or getting HIV by rimming - as long as no blood gets into the mouth or anus. But you can get other infections like hepatitis B this way. Placing a piece of latex (thin rubber) between the tongue and anus gives you added safety. Spreading lubricant against the anus first, helps the latex stay in place. Pre-cut squares of latex called 'dental dams' are also available.
Rough sex and roleplaying
Spanking and other types of rough sex can be safe for HIV. Make sure that one person's blood, semen or pre cum doesn't get inside the other person's body. Make sure that you agree beforehand that whatever you do will be safe as far as HIV is concerned. Talk with your partner first to make sure that you both keep within agreed limits, perhaps by agreeing on a special "stop" word. The telephone numbers at the back will give you details about where and how to obtain further specialist advice and information.
Sex toys
Sex toys someone else has used may have small amounts of blood or semen on them. This could get into your own or another person's body.
Put a condom over a dildo if you are both going to use it. Or clean it first with hot soapy water. Clean other toys the same way. Not sharing toys at all is even safer.
Fingering and fisting
The risk of passing on HIV by fingering and fisting is low. Try not to tear or damage the inside of the anus. Keep fingernails trimmed and smooth. For fisting, use a latex glove and plenty of lubricant. Even so, fisting can still cause tears inside the anus.
Other body fluids
Urine (piss) and faeces (shit) carry little risk of passing on HIV - as long as there's no blood in them. But you can get hepatitis B or other infections this way (see the Staying Healthy section below). Keep urine and faeces well away from the eyes.
Drugs and alcohol
Be aware that alcohol and some other drugs my cloud your judgement. These may make you and your partner less likely to keep to the limits within which you normally feel safe.
Injecting anything into the body can be dangerous (including steroids as well as other illegal drugs). However, if you do, never share equipment (needles, syringes, spoons). Try to use fresh equipment each time. If this isn't possible, always clean your equipment with bleach and then rinse thoroughly with water.
There are now many needle/syringe exchange schemes which provide practical help. For more information or for help on seeking advice with a drug or alcohol problem, contact one of the numbers at the back of the leaflet.
Skin piercing and tattooing
A licensed piercer or tattooist should always use sterile equipment, so check that they do before proceeding. Piercing in or around the genital area or in places such as the tongue could in some circumstances present an increased risk from infection. It is therefore advisable to seek specialist medical advice before being pierced, and if afterwards you experience any difficulties it is important to get these seen to immediately.
Finding out more
Find out more about what you like. There's a lot already out there to help you.
Friends and lovers. Share ideas about how to make sex enjoyable as well as safe.
The Gay Press. Keep up to date about HIV. Pick up the latest tips on safer sex.
Safer sex workshops for gay men. See the Gay Press for details.
Safer sex books and videos. Read or watch on your own or with a friend - and maybe get some new ideas.
Other than HIV, most infections you get from sex are easily treated. But they usually get worse if you don't do anything about them. And you can pass them on to other people. So get checked out if you notice anything such as:
rashes or soreness in or around your penis;
a burning feeling when you pass water;
warts, lumps or sores or on around your genitals or anus.
You can get free medical advice and treatment at any sexual health clinic. Some go by different names. Look them up in the phone book under: sexually transmitted disease (STD) clinic, genito-urinary medicine (GUM) clinic, special clinic or VD clinic. Clinics have an open access policy, which means you can use whichever clinic you prefer, whether in your local area or not.
Clinics offer:
a free and totally confidential service;
a vaccine to protect you from hepatitis B;
advice and information about HIV and safer sex;
testing for HIV and other infections;
treatment at follow-up if you want it.
It's a good idea to have regular check-ups even if you feel healthy.
If you test HIV positive, clinics and helplines can put you in touch with other positive men who can offer help and advice.
Your GP can also offer you the HIV test, as well as hepatitis B vaccination on prescription if you are a gay man. But be aware that if you apply for life insurance or a mortgage, your GP may be asked to provide information about your medical history.
Any of the following can provide further confidential and friendly information and advice.
London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard
020 7837 7234 24 hrs, 7 days a week
London Bisexual Phoneline
020 8569 7500 7.30pm-9.30pm Tuesdays, Wednesdays
The Terrence Higgins Trust
020 7242 1010 12-10pm, 7 days a week
National AIDS Helpline
0800 567 123 Free, 24 hrs, 7 days a week
0800 521 361 Minicom service for people with hearing difficulties. 10am-10pm, 7 days a week
0800 371 131 Welsh 10am-2am, 7 days a week
0800 371 132 Bengali 6pm-10pm (Tuesdays)
0800 371 133 Punjabi 6pm-10pm (Wednesdays)
0800 371 134 Gujarati 6pm-10pm (Wednesdays)
0800 371 135 Urdu 6pm-10pm (Wednesdays)
0800 371 136 Hindi 6pm-10pm (Wednesdays)
0800 282 447 Arabic 6pm-10pm (Thursdays)
0800 282 446 Cantonese 6pm-10pm (Mondays)
National Drugs Helpline
0800 77 66 00
Other advice and support also available from:
local HIV helplines and centres
lesbian and gay helplines, bisexual groups, Friend groups, Body Positive groups and other social groups.
Look in the Gay Press for details - or ring one of the above numbers.
Copyright © 1996-2012 Bruce Gilson
Powered by
Back to my front page